My childhood dreams

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a boy. I was tired of the common prejudice about how girls are supposed to play with barbie dolls and how we are supposed to sit properly. Being the only girl, I wanted so very much to play with my brothers. I remembered wearing my brother's PAP uniform and riding a bicycle in the house. I remembered pretending that I was a biker in black sunglasses. I was disappointed whenever mu relatives gave me barbie dolls for christmas. I seldom played with dolls.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was fascinated by all the courtroom drama, the chic and formal black tops and bottoms that I saw on TV. I was awed by the sense of justice that a person can have.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a doctor and save lives. I wanted to lend my hands to the sick and the suffering. I wanted to use my medical knowledge to save and cure the sick. These are the ones who enthrust their lives to the doctors to repair their bodies. The feeling of not being in control of your own life is something that is not desired. I wanted to give the patients a sense of security and to let them know that they are in control of their bodies.

When I grew older, I wanted to be a pilot. Being a pilot will allow me to fly everywhere and visit many beautiful places. I was struck by their smart uniform. I joined the military band was partly due to the smart uniform. I knew that the responsibility of being a pilot is huge. Hunreds of lives are at stake. But it is also a dangerous job.

Then, I wanted to run a hotel. Running a hotel is no simple job. I figured that since I can't own a hotel, I should start off with a managerial position in a hotel and rise through the ranks and become a managing director of a hotel. I've always liked staying in hotels. It is a pleasant experience and it is an escapade from our busy and routine life. It's like living in dreamland. Besides, I like looking at tourists, I want to know where they come from and their culutural background.

At that time, I wanted to become a museum curator. Living in my own world, appreciating history everyday. Living life like I should, appreciating everyday, loving my work, being more artistically inclined. Far away from the coporate ladder.

Now, I sort of harboured thoughts of becoming a teacher. Teachers have a sheltered working life. Not a lot of back stabbing, cheap canteen food, free parking, holidays and most importantly, they get to interact with innocent students- oblivious and sheltered from the harsh realities of life. Students who can make them feel young again, students who think that the world is not very complicated. Students who do not have many worries. Getting to know students is a light hearted affair. Of course, there are many downsides to it also.

Last night, I reflected about my future. Do I want to earn a lot of money but be miserable at my job or do I want to find a career that I've always wanted to do? I want to try many things- I want to become a lawyer, doctor, curator, inventor etc etc in my life. But I know that I cannot be everything in another say 50 years of my life. Then I realised that THIS is actually the time of my life to try the stuff that I really want to do- like learning how to ice skate and picking up a few skills. There won't be any other time like this to explore ourselves because once we graduate from the university, we will be thrown into the working world and before long, we will get married and have our own families. The only time when we can have the time for ourselves will probably be after retirement and I'm not going to spend 30-40 years of working my life away without really living my life fully. And when we are old, we will probably regret some of the choices that we have made when we were younger. I must constantly remind myself not to be blinded by money..