AAAAARGHH!!!! I dread work tomorrow!!! Why? Because I will be alone operating the switchboard.. There are sooo much of responsibilities.. I'm afraid I'm not capable of handling them. Felt !@#$%%^^ last Saturday. I felt insulted and yet grateful. I know you mean well but I've never felt so humiliated before!!! YOU made me feel like a skiving FIVE YEAR OLD! DAMN!!!!! YOU made me feel so useless, I felt like breaking down at that time. But, I'm also grateful that you gave me a crash course and that you meant well. I'm trying my best to be objective about my opinion of you but somehow I just can't help but feel that your scathing remarks were kind of personal. I HATE work now. Working forces me to kan ren jia de lian se, I am miserable there. Sometimes I ask myself what am I doing there. Why must she have so much faith in me? I'm afraid that I won't be able to perform my job well tomorrow and disappoint many people who taught me selflessly despite the circumstances. And I am stuck in the afternoon shift for the most part of the week again. Except for Wednesday and Thursday. This sort of working experience has only strengthened my resolve to go back to school and enjoy my student life. I miss school, I miss my friends and more importantly I miss complaining about some stuffs freely.

However, there are some highlights of this job also. I get to interact with people. In a weird sort of way, the people whom I have great respect of, do not work with me. For example, I had the honour to work and know this fantastic person called Wendy from another department :) While escorting people up, I get to know more about them, their families. Very often, they impart real life experiences and knowledge which are beyond the text book. There are exceptions also. There's this girl called Grace who is in my department who is really a funny and serious girl. I find myself clicking with her and Wendy easily.

Sometimes I find myself hating my job so much that I'll probably rejoice and do a victory dance if they fire me. Hopefully I can survive past tomorrow.

OUT!

Working as a telephone operator is so tiring. I go home with an overloaded brain everyday. It's like trying to understand the operations of the hotel. However, there are some highlights of the job. I get to be an escort to the hotel rooms, I get to attend meetings that are just so surreal, I get to work with different people everyday who teach me soo much and willingly until I start to question myself. Sometimes, it's a pressure cooker in there, but it is to be expected, since we are working in the service industry. It reminded me of how nice it is to be served. Do I still want to work in the hotel industry? I dunno. Working there made me question my attitude towards life in general. I am such a lucky person. Sometimes, I think that I am a spoilt brat. I'll be working in the afternoon shift this whole week.. So I can't eat lunch with u, val.. It would be nice if my friends are working with me, then we can crap with each other. When operating the phone, I must remember not to say hello, okay and be polite always. Don't find it surprising if I am extremely polite to you now. If anyone says 'thank you' to me, I would say my pleasure. Instead of saying 'wait ah' like I always do, I will say 'one moment please' and 'thank you for waiting'. It's a wonder how working as a telephone operator can change my life (and manners) sooooooo DRAMATICALLY. I do not know if I can survive this job for a month...

OUT!

I've finally got to use the motherboard today! Quite fun actually, but it is quite difficult to make out what the tourists are saying because of their accents. That's why I have not started answering any calls yet. My Chinese is really bad... I didn't know what the Chinese tourist was saying over the phone. I had to ask another chinese girl to translate for me. So embarrasing! Didn't go for any hotel tour though, coz the guy was busy I guess. But I managed to go to the hotel rooms and take a peek at them as I had to open them for some guys. So posh.

OUT!

First day of work was like the first day of school. My parents reminding me about my wallet, keys etc etc, fussing over me. Reminded me when I was in primary one.

The people there are friendly and kind. There are 2 foreigners who are attached to the department- a mexican and a swiss. Both are 21 years old only! The mexican is really handsome.

The food there is okay. I got to dine with them including the foreigners. I listened in on telephone calls, learn theory about the hotel. I was awed by the level of professionalism exhibited by another part time girl who is the same age as me. She is really pro ah.. She knows all the telephone numbers, knows the hotel like the back of her palm.. Made me start thinking of when I could be like her. She's really approachable and I learnt the most from her. She taught me so many things that my brain is overloaded now. Today was a bit boring. I attended 2 meetings, put my jc speed writing to good use as we had to copy down notes. I'm tired now.

OUT!

My childhood dreams

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a boy. I was tired of the common prejudice about how girls are supposed to play with barbie dolls and how we are supposed to sit properly. Being the only girl, I wanted so very much to play with my brothers. I remembered wearing my brother's PAP uniform and riding a bicycle in the house. I remembered pretending that I was a biker in black sunglasses. I was disappointed whenever mu relatives gave me barbie dolls for christmas. I seldom played with dolls.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a lawyer. I was fascinated by all the courtroom drama, the chic and formal black tops and bottoms that I saw on TV. I was awed by the sense of justice that a person can have.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to become a doctor and save lives. I wanted to lend my hands to the sick and the suffering. I wanted to use my medical knowledge to save and cure the sick. These are the ones who enthrust their lives to the doctors to repair their bodies. The feeling of not being in control of your own life is something that is not desired. I wanted to give the patients a sense of security and to let them know that they are in control of their bodies.

When I grew older, I wanted to be a pilot. Being a pilot will allow me to fly everywhere and visit many beautiful places. I was struck by their smart uniform. I joined the military band was partly due to the smart uniform. I knew that the responsibility of being a pilot is huge. Hunreds of lives are at stake. But it is also a dangerous job.

Then, I wanted to run a hotel. Running a hotel is no simple job. I figured that since I can't own a hotel, I should start off with a managerial position in a hotel and rise through the ranks and become a managing director of a hotel. I've always liked staying in hotels. It is a pleasant experience and it is an escapade from our busy and routine life. It's like living in dreamland. Besides, I like looking at tourists, I want to know where they come from and their culutural background.

At that time, I wanted to become a museum curator. Living in my own world, appreciating history everyday. Living life like I should, appreciating everyday, loving my work, being more artistically inclined. Far away from the coporate ladder.

Now, I sort of harboured thoughts of becoming a teacher. Teachers have a sheltered working life. Not a lot of back stabbing, cheap canteen food, free parking, holidays and most importantly, they get to interact with innocent students- oblivious and sheltered from the harsh realities of life. Students who can make them feel young again, students who think that the world is not very complicated. Students who do not have many worries. Getting to know students is a light hearted affair. Of course, there are many downsides to it also.

Last night, I reflected about my future. Do I want to earn a lot of money but be miserable at my job or do I want to find a career that I've always wanted to do? I want to try many things- I want to become a lawyer, doctor, curator, inventor etc etc in my life. But I know that I cannot be everything in another say 50 years of my life. Then I realised that THIS is actually the time of my life to try the stuff that I really want to do- like learning how to ice skate and picking up a few skills. There won't be any other time like this to explore ourselves because once we graduate from the university, we will be thrown into the working world and before long, we will get married and have our own families. The only time when we can have the time for ourselves will probably be after retirement and I'm not going to spend 30-40 years of working my life away without really living my life fully. And when we are old, we will probably regret some of the choices that we have made when we were younger. I must constantly remind myself not to be blinded by money..

I've found a job!!!! Not through any employment agency but with the help of my mother!! Now Val, qi xiang and I will be working at Swissotel! But not working together. Haha... Aaah, I've got a confession to make.. I'm not as proficient in Microsoft Excel and Access as I claim to be.. Haha.. I was stumped when a guy from the agency called to ask me.. He asked me what the difference was and I told him it was the same. I was pratically lying my way through. I feel soooo bad. I'm happy that I can start work soon... I can't do without doing something!!

OUT!

At this time, I should be in school. It feels so weird not to go to school. Waves of nostalgia hit me last night. I shared the anxiety of the previous years of starting the first day. The first day was always the chattiest day. Everybody talking all at once to catch up for the 2 months that they missed. Some bracing themselves for the expected challenges thrown in their way. Most in holiday mood. It was last night that it dawned onto me that time really flies. 2 years ago, I was excited and scared to go to school. I felt very lonely and overwhelmed on the first day to school. I didn't want to return to school the next day. 6 years ago, I entered evss, bushy-tailed, like any ordinary primary school graduate, unaware of what's in store for us. It was 4 years of a roller coaster ride. I had never felt happier when I was in there, it was there where I started laughing my heart out. And of course, I pushed myself hard, surprising myself along the way and developing a different sort of confidence. When I reflect about how far I've come since primary school, I think about how evss has moulded me into someone strong and how tpjc has strengthened it. Not forgetting all of the wonderful friends that I have made in school.

And when I woke up this morning, everything felt the same. It felt like the holidays. My older brother going off to camp, my mom going to work, and my younger brother going to school as he always did during the school holidays. The house was quiet, not because I'm alone but because, I'm supposed to hear the engine of school buses picking up and letting off the students. Then I realised that the secondary school is under construction. That's why I don't see any students around wearing their uniform.

When I went to Old Chang Kee for the laksa noodles, I expected the aunty to ask me about school. But nope, she didn't say anything and it felt like the school holidays again. As I walked passed the mrt station, I saw a secondary school student in neatly pressed uniform topping up her ez link card. Ah, finally! Someone to remind me. But it was already 8am. She's late for school which is bad because it's only the first day and she's missing out a lot.